This evening I decided to turn in early and before doing so I was going to do a little journaling and praying and then some reading. I did all those things. The reading part was the tricky part. I'm good at reading, but what I was reading was harder to swallow than any of the food I have eaten today. Promise.
Thankfully, I was very convicted tonight. I was reading about a man, who I now consider a friend, who was attending a very liberal college out west. This man claims to be a christian and is working hard against the bad name that sometimes comes along with christianity. Sadly, I have to agree that this is needed.
At the end of every year this college has a celebration. At this festival, the students spend the weekend getting drunk and high and naked, mostly all at the same time. This man was apart of a Christian group on campus. He was convinced that the group was mainly a support group for the christians on campus due to the fact that they were so unwelcome there. It was a way for them to survive. That year they descided that it was a good idea that they "come out" as christians. They wanted to be bold. And they wanted to use the end of the year festival to do this.
As they were brainstorming on the different ways that they could introduce themselves, they came up with an almost ubsured and humores idea. The idea was to build a "confessional booth" in the middle of campus durring the festival. They were shocked that they even thought of it and thought if they actually went threw with it, they may be in danger of causing a riot.
So, they did it. They built a big shack. Two rooms. One for the "preist" and one for the "confessor". They built a little window for them to talk to eachother threw. They painted in big letters "Confess your sins" on the side of the booth. Before they began, they descided that they weren't going to let anyone confess any sins to them, but, they were going to, as christians, confess their sins to the campus. They were going to confess that as fallowers of Jesus, they had not been very loving; they had been bitter. They were going to apologize for the Crusades and televangelists for making them feel rejected instead of accepted. For neglecting the poor and lonely. They wanted to say that, because of their selfishness, they had misprepresented Jesus on their campus and that Jesus Loves Them.
When I read this, I turn off my light to go to bed, but my head was spinning. I couldn't get these things out of my mind. I couldn't get out of my head the fact that my biggest worry that day was that I had gained a few pounds and I had only gotten 3 comments on myspace! I started to get very convicted because of how selfish my motive are. Then, I started thinking about who and what I surround myself with. I haven't heard much talk of Jesus around me either. I've heard plently of talk about the bible and christianity, but not about Jesus.
Jesus loves you. That's insane, isn't it? Do we believe that? I thought I did before tonight. Now I know I didn't care if He loved me or not. Something else someone told me recently was this, "If you believe something, don't talk about it. Live it."
I haven't told anyone about Jesus in a long time. He is real. He is living. I say I believe in him. Yesterday I would have told you that I did. Today I know that if I believe in Him, I should be living Him.
When's the last time my focus was on accepting someone and not on my own agenda? I am sick of being a misrepresentation of Christ. He is who I claim to live my life for, but, really I am living it for myself.
The Satanic has 7 comandments. The first one is "Self Indulgence: Live For Yourself"
I am sick of living in my perfect little selfish christian world. It's very easy to become selfish, even when you are serving in a church. Even when you are being discipled. Check your motives. CHECK YOUR MOTIVES.
I want to live for Christ with my life. With my actions. I don't want to worship myself anymore.
I know this is intense, but I felt that I needed to share it.
I repent. I repent. | 
